Where Have I Been For The Last Month?

So where have I been for like, the last month. Nowhere actually, seriously, nowhere. Life has gone on as it usually does.

I get up at 5:30am, get ready for work, get to work by 6:30am, prep for and cook breakfast for our in-house guests, breakfast service at 7am, clean up after breakfast service, have a break around 11am, prep and set up for lunch by 12pm, do lunch service until 2pm, clean up, write up prep list for following day and finish somewhere between 3 and 4pm.

I come home, shower and normally, I would get in a couple hours writing before my husband and son arrive home around 6pm, then it’s dinner, bath, bed for the little man and by about 8pm I am either watching a bit of TV or am almost passed out and half asleep, to start it all over again the next day.

This is my life in a nutshell. Occasionally I might leave my house to step into the outside world to take my kid to the park, go grocery shopping, see my mum etc. The point being, I usually find a little time in each day to do some writing, social media, blogging, you know, the stuff that one day may let me do my writing as a real job, at least part time.

So, since I have barely been on social media, and I can’t remember the last time I wrote a blog post, this must mean I have been busy writing and finishing my second book, right?

Wrong.

Lately, things have been a little bit more stressful than usual and I have been having some anxiety flares ups. Yes, I suffer from anxiety. I don’t think I have mentioned that before, but there it is. A writer with anxiety who is also a chef… Yeah…

Anyway, I have become pretty good over the years at reading when I start to feel anxious and try to get on top of it. But, I have this nasty habit of putting too much pressure on myself and this I what I have been doing. And it’s not good for me.

Firstly, I set myself a goal of having the first draft of my second book finished my October. (It’s not finished.) Which, seemed doable at the time, and quite frankly would have been, except shit went down with work.

I was already starting to get stressed and having episodes bordering on manic and having anxiety attacks. So, I took a few extra days off work to just chill out before we started to get into the busy period of work. Wedding season is now in full swing and summer is fast approaching, which is hard to focus on when your brain is telling you your a bad mum, your a crap writer, you suck at your job etc, etc. So Yes, I needed a few days. (Not to mention there are a few medical issues going on with family members which I wont go into.)

So, yes, I still wasn’t completely right, but I felt a little better.

Until I got to work and found out that the other cook who works with me in the Cafe, hurt her back and is out for an indefinite amount of time. That’s fine, one of the chefs from the restaurant kitchen can help me out right?

Nope. They too, are short staffed, so, it’s just me on my lonesome now. They cover my days off and the apprentice can help from 12-2 on Saturday and Sunday, buuuuuttt thats pretty much it… I was there until 5pm on Sunday cleaning up because we had a crazy busy service and the apprentice had to go back to the other kitchen…kitchen was a mess!

So that’s the work side of it that been giving me grief.

So, I come home and where I could type out my frustrations. Because the writing actually really does clear my head, and I know that If I can write out my frustrations, it goes a long way. Writing for me has long been a form of releasing frustrations long before it was anything else. (Yes, I am aware that I just wrote frustrations three times, now four.)

Except, the very thought of sitting down at my computer has filled me with complete dread for the last few weeks. Usually, if this happens (and it has happened before), I can type it out on OneNote or write in a notebook. This time, I couldn’t even bring myself to do either of those. I haven’t even opened my email in over two weeks. (I literally just cleaned out like 300+ emails, just from my main email account. I haven’t even looked at my Hotmail yet) 

My social media has been pretty dead and don’t even get me started on my book marketing which also has been non-existent in recent weeks.

But today has been the first day I have turned my computer on in almost a month. Still feeling a little iffy about the whole thing, but this blog post is kinda helping. NaNo starts tomorrow and I had planned on working on Midnight Redemption again and taking a break from Phoenix Rising, but now I’m not sure.

Should I take a time out from Phoenix (I have, maybe 5 chapters left) and finish Midnight (also about 5 chapter left) or finish Phoenix first? Or just skip NaNo completely?

Anyway, regardless of what I do, I have managed to turn my computer on today and write a blog post. So I’m taking that as a win for today.

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