Yep! You heard me correctly!
There is way too much emotional conflict in my video games. Long gone are the days of the Sega, where Sonic the Hedgehog just rolled and jumped through the world, his sole purpose to collect those magical golden rings and defeat the boss at the end of the levels.
Sonic was a simple hedgehog.
Gone too are the days of early PlayStation when Crash Bandicoot just smashed through the world, avoiding TNT crates. Or the days of Spyro gliding through the skies collecting diamonds and rescuing dragons.
Oh, PlayStation, how simple and uncomplicated you were in the beginning.
Now my gaming days are wrought with tears and heartbreak and a certain amount of anxiety over my characters emotional state (and mine!). I am now forced to make the hard decisions. If any of you have played Dragon Age (Origins, DA2 or Inquision), Mass Effect (1, 2, or 3) or Fallout 4 I’m sure you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
For now, I’m going to discuss (or rant) about the romances in these games.
The romances! My god, the romances kill me!
(These are the scenarios I played in my games and yes I am aware I could have chosen less heart-wrenching options, but apparently I’m a masochist.)
Lets start with the Dragon Age series shall we?
Yes I’m aware these games are a few years old now, but the series is my absolute favorite.
Dragon Age: Origins
Alistair and Amell, the mage and the former templar, the last two wardens left in Fereldan. Together they unite the factions to defeat the Arch Demon and end the Blight, their sweet romance, blossoms and unfolds as the game progresses. They are so adorable together. Amell helps him become the man he needs to be to become a great king, and every thing is sunshine and puppies. You know, except for the dark spawn and brood mothers and werewolves and Logain and pretty much everything in Fereldan trying to kill them. Even Leliana cannot turn the wardens eye.
Seriously, Amell is only being friendly and Leliana falls in love with her! Every time! Then gets all upset that she’s with Alistair. Need to dial back the sexy there Amell.
Until I decided to make Alistair King that was! It all falls apart when they arrive at the landsmeet, *sigh* and Alistair bows to peer pressure.
My warden mage live happily ever after with her beloved Alistair as king? Nope, she’s a mage and cannot be his queen. I mean really? Your King Alistair now, just change the rules, gah! Instead he tries to break up with her once he’s secured the throne (asshat!), now poor Amell must settle for being Alistair’s mistress if she stays with him, looking on as he weds another. (Anora was rather convincing)
Not to mention that becoming a Warden was almost guaranteed to make them both sterile, so poor Amell is forced to share her man and never have children of her own. Alistair on the other hand…*cough* Morrigan *cough*
And then, on top of this, Amell doesn’t even get to spend what is potentially her last night on earth with Alistair. Nope, if she wants Alistair and herself to live, then she has to offer him up to Morrigan for a dark ritual to save their lives.
What is this ritual? oh yeah, just hand Alistair over so we can conceive a child together, you know, cause your a warden and can’t have kids…shit Morrigan…
I mean, not exactly a morale boost before the big battle, laying awake, knowing the love of your life is banging your BFF so you don’t all die…
Then the poor woman has to go and almost get eaten by an Arch Demon, saves the world and still pretty much gets spat on for being a mage!
I mean, Alistair stops by Vigil’s Keep for the occasional booty call, but geez dude, that’s the love of your life you’ve sent off to the far corners of Fereldan to deal with angry farmers and brood mothers.
Yeppers, sucks to be the warden.
Dragon Age: 2
Hawke and Anders, who would have thought broody ex-slave Fenris would have turned out to be the less complicated of the two. What happened to the chipper, cheery Anders, you know, BFF of warden commander Amell? Oh, thats right…
He became and abomination! Anders! What the shit man? How was that ever going to be a good idea? I mean, really? Did you get drunk and Oghren dared you or something?
When Hawke first met Anders he said it would be a bad idea to get involved with him, so naturally she took this as a personal challenge, eventually winning over the broody ex-warden mage.
They fall in love. They fight for mage rights. The become extremists…I mean rebels. He’s there for her when her brother joins the Templars, he comforts her when her mother is murdered by the crazy necromancer, (that story arc really messed me up). She was there for him when Justice started to overwhelm him, when Corypheus controls him in the warden prison.
They are practically perfect. Anders moves into her house and they live happily ever after, right?
Nope, sorry. As if a crazy Knight-Commander isn’t enough, you know that little project you helped him with Hawke…KABOOM! The love of Hawkes life just blew the shit out of the Chantry and sparked a war! Admittedly, if he had told her what his plan was, she probably would have helped. But he wanted to keep her above suspicion…awww…
Sebastian runs off to bring the might of Starkhaven down upon their heads, sulking like a little bitch because she wouldn’t kill Anders… Ok Seb, you might, just maybe have a valid reason to be pissed…
I kind of expected more of Hawkes companions to high tail it out of there, but apparently she is a commanding figure, even Fenris stuck around, surprising considering their antagonistic relationship. (Hawke totally dated Fenris before Anders, think he was shitty she didn’t wait 3 years for him.)
But, oh Anders, I was so angry with you! You couldn’t just let it go, could you? Now they are on the run, but they are together, its kind of romantic to be fugitives together right? Please tell me its romantic….
Well, I know that is only two of the three games, but I’m gonna have to save Dragon Age: Inquisition for next time. This post was getting waaayyy too long. I’m a Solavellan shipper and those who know what I’m talking about should understand why that ship needs it own harbour.
Hmm…not entirely sure I can pull of maritime humour, but there it is…
Catch you next time.